A Little Smile in Honor of Mother's Day

[bob3160]

I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mothe! r taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.  Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

[CharleyO]

***

I'll second that, Bob ... been there when I was a boy and heard them all.           


***

[drhayden1]

My mother is 93-perfect health and still drives-thank you god for that

1. If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much. -Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
2. Never marry a man who hates his mother, because he'll end up hating you. -Jill Bennett
3. A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary. -Dorothy Canfield Fisher
4. At work, you think of the children you have left at home. At home, you think of the work you've left unfinished. Such a struggle is unleashed within yourself. Your heart is rent. -Golda Meir
5. Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. -Unknown
6. As is the mother, so is her daughter. -Ezekiel 16:4
7. Men are what their mothers made them. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
8. Most mothers are instinctive philosophers. -Harriet Beecher Stowe
9. We never know the love of the parent until we become parents ourselves. -Henry Ward Beecher
10. The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. -Honore de Balzac
11. The mother's heart is the child's schoolroom. -Henry Ward Beecher
12. Who is getting more pleasure from this rocking, the baby or me? -Nancy Thayer
13. By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class. -Anne Morrow Lindbergh
14. Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother. -Lin Yutang
15. Mama exhorted her children at every opportunity to 'jump at de sun.' We might not land on the sun, but at least we would get off the ground. -Zora Neale Hurston
16. That best academy, a mother's knee. - James Russell Lowell
17. Making a decision to have a child--it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. -Elizabeth Stone
18. Anyone who doesn't miss the past never had a mother. -Gregory Nunn
19. A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. -Tenneva Jordan
20. Few misfortunes can befall a boy which brings worse consequences than to have a really affectionate mother. -W. Somerset Maugham
21. The lullaby is the spell whereby the mother attempts to transform herself back from an ogre to a saint. -James Fenton
22. No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. -Florida Scott-Maxwell
23. Biological possibility and desire are not the same as biological need. Women have childbearing equipment. For them to choose not to use the equipment is no more blocking what is instinctive than it is for a man who, muscles or no, chooses not to be a weightlifter. -Betty Rollin
24. Women do not have to sacrifice personhood if they are mothers. They do not have to sacrifice motherhood in order to be persons. Liberation was meant to expand women's opportunities, not to limit them. The self-esteem that has been found in new pursuits can also be found in mothering. -Elaine Heffner
25. Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother's love is not. -James Joyce
26. All that remains to the mother in modern consumer society is the role of scapegoat; psychoanalysis uses huge amounts of money and time to persuade analysis and to foist their problems on to the absent mother, who has no opportunity to utter a word in her own defense. Hostility to the mother in our societies is an index of mental health. -Germaine Greer
27. Woman in the home has not yet lost her dignity, in spite of Mother's Day, with its offensive implication that our love needs an annual nudging, like our enthusiasm for the battle of Bunker Hill. -John Erskine
28. All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. -Oscar Wilde
29. The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. -Rajneesh
30. The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. -Unknown
31. A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. -Peter De Vries
32. All mothers are working mothers. -Unknown
33. The real religion of the world comes from women much more than from men - from mothers most of all, who carry the key of our souls in their bosoms. -Oliver Wendell Holmes
34. Motherhood is priced; Of God, at price no man may dare/To lessen or misunderstand. -Helen Hunt Jackson
35. It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't. -Barbara Kingsolver
36. God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. -Jewish proverb
37. I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. -Abraham Lincoln
38. Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs... since the payment is pure love. -Mildred B. Vermont
39. Nobody knows of the work it makes To keep the home together. Nobody knows of the steps it takes, Nobody knows-but Mother. -Anonymous
40. If the whole world were put into one scale, and my mother in the other, the whole world would kick the beam. -Henry Bickersteth
41. Mother - that was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries. -T. DeWitt Talmage
42. There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. -Chinese Proverb
43. When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. -Sophia Loren
44. No gift to your mother can ever equal her gift to you - life. -Anonymous
45. An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest. -Spanish Proverb
46. Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own. -Aristotle
47. If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family. -Lawrence Housman
48. Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children. -Sam Levenson
49. Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age. -William Feather, The Business of Life, 1949
50. And remember that behind every successful woman......is a basket of dirty laundry. -Unknown

click on pics to enlarge

[drhayden1]

MOTHER

If I could give you diamonds
for each tear you cried for me.
if I could five you sapphires
for each truth you've helped me see.
If I could give you rubies
for the heartache that you've known
If I could give you pearls
for the wisdom that you've shown.

Then you'll have a treasure, mother,
that would mount up to the skies
That would almost match
the sparkle in your kind and loving eyes.

But I have no pearls, no diamonds,
As I'm sure you're well aware
So I'll give you gifts more precious
My devotion, love and care.

~Author Unknown

[tls]

This mother has enjoyed the 'Smiles'


Thank you!


 

[bob3160]

This mother has enjoyed the 'Smiles'


Thank you!


 

Your welcome t l s  have a great Mothers Day and the same to all the other Mom's on this forum.