Or even:
avast!: Your system is secured.
Shields: All on
Definitions: Good
Program: Good
Weather: Not bad for this time of year
Pollution Levels: atrocious..
Life expectancy: pretty dire if you don't get out more
Dinner: still in the freezer..waiting to be microwaved
Wife: oh yeah..sh*t!
Grass: still needs mowing (sticky note from wife)
Face: one more day's growth won't make a bit of difference...
etc.