Author Topic: So funny I had to post  (Read 924679 times)

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Offline Pondus

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Re: Was so funny I had to post
« Reply #1605 on: March 30, 2017, 03:41:39 PM »
This ones worth a view https://uk.news.yahoo.com/slow-mo-pile-montreals-snowy-185323667.html, I couldn't believe it went on for so long.

What tires do they use in Canada? ... do they not have/use winter tires?

Round ones, those old square ones have great grip but zero gas mileage.

Clearly not.
Strange if they dont, in a contry with lots of snow

Here you must have by law, if you have a accident on summer tires at winter you get no insurance payout


« Last Edit: March 30, 2017, 03:47:12 PM by Pondus »

Offline DavidR

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Re: Was so funny I had to post
« Reply #1606 on: March 30, 2017, 04:00:05 PM »
This ones worth a view https://uk.news.yahoo.com/slow-mo-pile-montreals-snowy-185323667.html, I couldn't believe it went on for so long.

What tires do they use in Canada? ... do they not have/use winter tires?

Round ones, those old square ones have great grip but zero gas mileage.

Clearly not.
Strange if they dont, in a contry with lots of snow

Here you must have by law, if you have a accident on summer tires at winter you get no insurance payout

Considering the last car in the slow-mo pile up was a police car (who would/should know the law), before being hit by the snow plough. But you would have thought they would have snow/ice tyres for that job.
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Offline bob3160

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« Last Edit: April 01, 2017, 12:40:41 PM by bob3160 »
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Offline DavidR

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Re: Was so funny I had to post
« Reply #1608 on: April 01, 2017, 04:06:50 PM »
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Offline Eddy

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Re: Was so funny I had to post
« Reply #1609 on: April 11, 2017, 02:58:11 PM »
Eh, ejecting a printer ?

Offline CraigB

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Re: Was so funny I had to post
« Reply #1610 on: April 13, 2017, 04:37:54 PM »
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client.

His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started in on him about , 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'........ and on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the continued sarcastic and nagging remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang.

The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!?!'

Offline Para-Noid

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Re: Was so funny I had to post
« Reply #1611 on: April 30, 2017, 09:56:10 PM »
Try this one on your spouse. Go ahead. I dare you.
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Offline bob3160

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Re: Was so funny I had to post
« Reply #1612 on: April 30, 2017, 10:00:09 PM »
Try this one on your spouse. Go ahead. I dare you.
57 years and counting. I'll leave this up to someone else..... :)
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Offline Para-Noid

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Re: Was so funny I had to post
« Reply #1613 on: April 30, 2017, 10:21:32 PM »
Try this one on your spouse. Go ahead. I dare you.
57 years and counting. I'll leave this up to someone else..... :)

Come on Bob. what are you afraid of?
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Offline Eddy

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Re: Was so funny I had to post
« Reply #1614 on: May 02, 2017, 02:31:56 PM »
Before and after the meeting

Offline bob3160

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Re: Was so funny I had to post
« Reply #1615 on: May 02, 2017, 03:25:43 PM »
Lady Golfer


A father, son  and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round
of golf.  Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde
woman  carrying her bag of clubs approached them. 
 
She  explained that the member who brought her to the club  for a round of
golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the  trio whether she
could join them. 
 
Naturally,  the guys all agreed.
 
Smiling, the  blonde thanked them and said, "Look, fellows, I work in a
topless  bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you want to 
smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, tell off-color stories or do 
anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead.  But, I
enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at  it, so  don't try to coach
me on how to play my shots." 
 
With  that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive  first. 
 
All  eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent  to place her
ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball  270 yards down the
middle, right in front of the  green. 
 
The  father's mouth was agape. "That was beautiful," he  said. 
 
The  blonde put her driver away and said, "I really didn't get into it, and
I  faded it a little."
 
After  the three guys hit their drives and their second shots,  the blonde
took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet  of the hole.
 
The  son said, "Damn, lady, you played that perfectly."
 
The  blonde frowned and said, "It was a little weak, but  even an easy
seven would have been too much club. I've left a tricky  little putt." She then
tapped in the five-footer for a  birdie. 
 
Having  the honors, she drove first on the second hole, knocked  the heck
out of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away smack in  the middle of
the fairway. 
 
For  the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued  to amaze the
guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on  every hole 
 
When  they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par, and 
had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par.
 
She  turned to the three guys and said, "I really want to  thank you all
for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me  what club to use or
how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69  and I'd really like to
break 70 on this course. 
 
If  any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole I'll take him 
back to my apartment, pour some 35-year-old Single Malt Strathmill  Scotch
in him, fix him a steak dinner and then show him a very good time  the rest
of the night."
 
The  yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across  the green,
carefully eyeing the line of the putt and finally said,  "Honey, aim about 6
inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It  will get over that little
hump and break right into the  cup." 
 
The  father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter  as a plumb.
"Don't listen to the kid, darling', you want to hit it  softly 10 inches to
the right and let it run left down that little  hogback, so it falls into the
cup." 
 
The  old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the  blonde's  ball, picked
it up and handed it to her and said, "That's a gimme,  sweetheart." 
 
The  blonde smiled and said, "Your car or  mine?"       
 
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TIME :)
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Offline Pondus

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Re: Was so funny I had to post
« Reply #1616 on: May 08, 2017, 10:33:32 PM »
IT support   ;D

Offline Pondus

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Re: Was so funny I had to post
« Reply #1617 on: May 08, 2017, 10:36:23 PM »
Prehistoric Googling    ;)

Offline Pondus

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Re: Was so funny I had to post
« Reply #1618 on: May 08, 2017, 10:38:24 PM »
Tech support   ;)

Offline bob3160

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Re: Was so funny I had to post
« Reply #1619 on: May 19, 2017, 04:55:16 PM »

Irish blonde... 
An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." 
MORAL OF THE STORY
 
Not all Irish are drunks,
not all blondes are dumb,
...but all men...are men!
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