Author Topic: So funny I had to post  (Read 629498 times)

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Offline CraigB

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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1875 on: August 04, 2020, 04:24:40 PM »
Come fly with me

An old RAF Pilot sat down in the bar, still wearing his old flight jacket and ordered a beer.

As he sat sipping his beer, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked: "Are you a real pilot"?

He replied:
“Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first basic RAF trainers, then then the Folland Gnat jet trainer before I moved to an operational squadron and flew supersonic Lightning fighters.
During that time I was seconded to the newly formed Red Arrows and spent 3 years flying with them at UK air shows and other events – some being abroad to wave the flag.
I then moved to a Hawker Harrier squadron and after 3 years there, we were sent out to the Falklands war where I shot down three Argentine planes.
When I retired from the RAF, I got a job flying private jets and had many politicians and celebrities as passengers before I retired from flying.

Hence, I guess I am a pilot and always think of the wonderful flying experiences I enjoyed. So that’s my story – what are you?”

She replied:

“I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women.

As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women.

When I shower, I think about naked women.

When I watch TV, I think about naked women.

'It seems everything makes me think of naked women.”

The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked:
"Are you a real pilot?"

He replied:

'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a Lesbian.'

Offline bob3160

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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1876 on: August 09, 2020, 02:36:22 PM »
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Offline bob3160

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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1877 on: August 16, 2020, 04:37:26 PM »
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Online DavidR

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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1878 on: August 16, 2020, 06:17:30 PM »


Yes too damn hard entering your pin with your elbow :D
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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1879 on: August 16, 2020, 06:39:41 PM »
"Yes too damn hard entering your pin with your elbow"
I don't think he was thinking about his elbow......
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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1880 on: August 19, 2020, 04:23:51 PM »
I got this from Petr Chocholous. :)
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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1881 on: August 20, 2020, 10:35:37 PM »
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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1882 on: August 24, 2020, 02:41:01 PM »
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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1883 on: August 28, 2020, 02:35:26 PM »
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Offline CraigB

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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1884 on: August 28, 2020, 02:42:24 PM »
Dig This

I woke to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a burglar sneaking through next door's garden.

Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a spade, killing him instantly.

He then began to dig a grave with the spade.

Astonished, I got back into bed.

My wife said "Darling, you're shaking, what is it?"

"You'll never believe what I've just seen!" I said, "That tosser next door has got my bloody spade that went missing from our garden shed 2 years ago”

Offline CraigB

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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1885 on: August 28, 2020, 02:46:31 PM »
War Can Be Cruel

A tall, strong and handsome Roman soldier broke into a house where he found two luscious maidens and their matronly nurse.

Chuckling with glee, he roared, "Prepare thyselves for a conquest, my pretties."

The lovely girls fell to their knees and pleaded with him, "Do with us as thou wilt, O Roman, but spare our faithful old nurse."

"Shut thy mouth," snapped the old nurse. "War is war."

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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1886 on: August 29, 2020, 09:07:46 PM »
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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1887 on: August 30, 2020, 09:09:32 PM »
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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1888 on: August 31, 2020, 12:21:57 AM »


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Offline CraigB

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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1889 on: August 31, 2020, 06:48:57 AM »
A friend In Need

I’m writing on behalf of one of my mates who needs some help

His wife told him to go out and buy some of those pills that help men get an erection.

When he came back he gave her 5 packs of diet pills

He is now looking for some digs until the divorce settlement..