Author Topic: So funny I had to post  (Read 658333 times)

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Online bob3160

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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1950 on: January 15, 2021, 06:30:41 PM »
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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1951 on: January 16, 2021, 03:39:42 PM »
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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1952 on: January 16, 2021, 11:46:46 PM »
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Offline DavidR

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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1953 on: January 17, 2021, 01:35:14 AM »


Priceless :)
Well in that one its worth nothing now. 

I had heard that smart cars came in certain types/names.
I one was called the Smart ForFour (four people), this one is a ForTwo people and 2xwheels

Or two wheels on my wagon and I'm not rolling along, any more.
This one could also have become a Smart Fortwo Cabriolet if that rabbit was much bigger.

I have just seen that they now do a Smart Electric car, I think it takes 4 'C cell' batteries.



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Offline albatara1990

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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1954 on: January 17, 2021, 12:12:57 PM »

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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1955 on: January 17, 2021, 07:57:11 PM »
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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1956 on: January 19, 2021, 04:08:50 PM »
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Offline energiacalefaccion

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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1957 on: January 21, 2021, 12:04:51 PM »

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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1958 on: January 21, 2021, 04:08:42 PM »
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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1959 on: January 23, 2021, 11:37:49 PM »
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Offline CraigB

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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1960 on: February 01, 2021, 09:05:24 AM »
Men Are Just Happier People!   

What do you expect from such simple creatures?  Your last name stays put.  The garage is all yours.  Wedding plans take care of themselves.  Chocolate is just another snack.  You can never be pregnant.  You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.  You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.  The world is your urinal.  You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.  You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.  Wrinkles add character.   Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100.  People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.  One mood all the time.  Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds -- flat.  You know stuff about tanks.  A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.  You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.  If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.  Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.  Two pairs of shoes are more than enough.  You almost never have strap problems in public.  You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original colour.  The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.  You can play with toys all your life.  One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons.  You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.  You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.  You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.  No wonder men are happier!

NICKNAME  ·      If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.  If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wild man.

EATING OUT   ·      When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.  When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators.

MONEY.      A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.  A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS   ·      A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.  The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS  ·       A woman has the last word in any argument.  Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE   ·      A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.  A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE   ·   A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.  A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP   ·      A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL   ·        Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.  Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING   ·      Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams.   A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY.   A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1961 on: February 02, 2021, 01:08:29 AM »
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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1962 on: February 02, 2021, 10:38:00 PM »
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Offline CraigB

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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1963 on: February 09, 2021, 04:12:30 AM »
Commentary

With their 8 year old son around the only way to have a 'quickie' during lock-down was to send him out onto the balcony with a Mars bar and tell him to report on all the activity in the street.

“An ambulance has just gone by”

“The Anderson's have just had an ASDA delivery”

“Matty has just gone out on his bike”

“Looks like the Sanderson's have gone into full lock-down isolation”

“Oscar's mum is telling him off”

“Jeanie has just gone out in her car”

After a few seconds, “The Coopers are bonking now”,

Startled his mum and dad shot up in bed and dad called out “How do you know that?”

“Because Jimmy Cooper is out on their balcony eating a Mars bar”.

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Re: So funny I had to post
« Reply #1964 on: February 09, 2021, 08:50:18 PM »
I speak Google Translate. :)
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