Author Topic: So funny I had to post  (Read 937719 times)

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Offline Pondus

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Offline CraigB

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #946 on: August 18, 2014, 06:22:17 PM »
Craig, you got to keep your pets in a leash    ;D
We're running out of people for them to eat, cables are the next best thing until they get to south Africa for some more tasty people ;D

Offline CraigB

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #947 on: August 18, 2014, 06:23:20 PM »
A PARABLE OF OUR TIMES. - SHOW THIS TO ANY LEFT LEANING LIBERAL, P.C TERRORIST, WOOLY MINDED PRAT YOU MIGHT KNOW


REST OF THE WORLD VERSION

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END

THE BRITISH VERSION

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

The rest of the British media informs people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

The Commission for Grasshopper Equality, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Housing Commission of Britain demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Lerwick with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".

Ed Miliband rants in an interview with a lefty media hack that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax rise on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter city centres.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are re-assessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders, for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a Housing Commission house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re-distributed to the more needy members of society - in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britons' apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to make then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.

A Newsnight special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.

He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug "Illness".

The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in Britain.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.

Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10 million and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers. Legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid £1 million each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in Britain.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

THE END (or is it?)

Offline DavidR

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #948 on: August 18, 2014, 07:35:33 PM »
The British Version/System is very close to the truth it is frightening, the only thing left out is the EU, the Human Rights Act - Unfortunately with Rights there are no Responsibilities.
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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #949 on: August 18, 2014, 08:38:22 PM »
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh my stomach HURTS from laughing

Offline bob3160

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #950 on: August 19, 2014, 08:00:09 PM »
Does your car have a Pup Holder ???
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Offline CraigB

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #951 on: August 19, 2014, 08:08:05 PM »
That's a good pic Bob, it's amazing where they'll sleep when exhausted :)

Offline bob3160

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #952 on: August 19, 2014, 08:28:28 PM »
That's a good pic Bob, it's amazing where they'll sleep when exhausted<$1alt="" title="" onresizestart="return false;" id="smiley__$2" style="padding: 0 3px 0 3px;" />
Pups and babies are pretty much alike. :)
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Offline CraigB

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #953 on: August 19, 2014, 08:33:43 PM »
Very true - eat/crap/sleep ;D

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #954 on: August 19, 2014, 08:48:10 PM »
The British Version/System is very close to the truth it is frightening, the only thing left out is the EU, the Human Rights Act - Unfortunately with Rights there are no Responsibilities.
It also seems to be the direction the US is headed in.

Offline bob3160

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #955 on: August 29, 2014, 03:16:40 AM »
My Daughter had challenged one of her employees to take the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge
I thought the video was worth sharing for a laugh:

Click here to watch the 30 sec. video
 
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Offline Pondus

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #956 on: August 29, 2014, 06:17:52 PM »
LOL    ;D

See Little Boy's Reaction After Mom Said She was Pregnant
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6SG7qd90TM


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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #957 on: August 30, 2014, 02:18:13 AM »
My Daughter had challenged one of her employees to take the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge
I thought the video was worth sharing for a laugh:

LOL. That is not a bucket Bob. It is a 20 gallon garbage plastic can. Very brave.


See Little Boy's Reaction After Mom Said She was Pregnant
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6SG7qd90TM

I think the kid is smarter than the mom. Very clever argument. Buy him ear plugs please ;D

Offline bob3160

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #958 on: August 30, 2014, 05:41:42 AM »
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Offline Secondmineboy

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #959 on: September 02, 2014, 07:05:01 PM »
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