Author Topic: So funny I had to post  (Read 937903 times)

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Offline bob3160

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #255 on: May 03, 2012, 02:07:58 PM »
Sorry but you seem to forget there are young people that visit this forum.... :(
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Offline CraigB

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #256 on: May 03, 2012, 03:15:10 PM »
Sorry but you seem to forget there are young people that visit this forum.... :(
??? this is not the 18th century Bob and I really dont see any problems with it, ass and breasts are pretty timid imo and most children hear far worse than that from there own parents or kids at school, technically speaking an "ass" is a cross between a horse and a donkey so there's some educational information iv supplied for the kiddies too  ;D

And just to confirm on the young people,  that was emailed to me by my 11 year old niece who obtained it from the Malwarebytes forum.
« Last Edit: May 03, 2012, 04:33:46 PM by craigb »

Offline bob3160

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #257 on: May 03, 2012, 06:11:52 PM »


The Women's Tee
There are days when even Golfing isn't any fun.
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Offline SpeedyPC

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« Last Edit: May 09, 2012, 07:33:30 AM by SpeedyPC »
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Offline CraigB

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #259 on: May 11, 2012, 11:43:48 AM »

SLEEPING WITH MICK
 
The guys were on a bike tour. No one wanted to room with Mick, because he snored so badly.

They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
 

The first guy slept with Mick and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
 

They said, "Man, what happened to you?
He said, "Mick snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
 

The next night it was a different guy's turn.
In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
 

They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Mick shakes the roof with his snoring.. I watched him all night."
 

The third night was Bill's turn. He was a tanned, older biker, a man's man..
The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
 


"Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it..
They said, "Man, what happened?"



He said, "Well, we got ready for bed.
I went and tucked Mick into bed, patted him on the bum, and kissed him good night on the cheek.
<
 <
 <
 <
 <
 <
 <
 <
 <
 Mick sat up and watched me all night."
 

Offline CraigB

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #260 on: May 16, 2012, 07:11:20 AM »
A Psychiatrist and a Proctologist

Two best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and
 decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice
 together to share the costs of office space and personnel.
 
Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist, so
 they put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors"
 The town council was livid and insisted they change it.
 
So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids"
 
This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign.
 "Catatonics and High Colonics" - No go.
 
Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives" - thumbs
 down again.
 
Then came "Minds and Behinds" - still no good.
 
Another attempt "Lost Souls and Butt Holes" was unacceptable again!
 
So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts" - not a chance.
 
"Nuts and Butts" - no way.
 
"Freaks and Cheeks" - still not good.
 
"Loons and Moons" - forget it.
 
Almost at their wits' end, the docs finally came up with:
 
"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends"
 
Everyone loved it.

Offline bob3160

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #262 on: June 11, 2012, 02:23:56 PM »
The Golden Years:



Several days  ago, as I left a meeting at a hotel, I desperately gave
myself a personal TSA  pat-down.  I was looking for my keys. They were not in my
pockets. A quick  search in the meeting room revealed nothing.


Suddenly I realized I must  have left them in the car.  Frantically, I
headed for the parking  lot.


My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the  ignition.


My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose  them.  Her theory
is that the car will be stolen.  As I burst through  the door, I came to a
terrifying conclusion:


Her theory was right. The  parking lot was empty.


I immediately called the police. I gave them my  location, confessed that I
had left my keys in the car, and that it had been  stolen.  Then I made the
most difficult call of all.


"Honey," I  stammered (I always call her "honey" in times like these) "I
left my keys in the  car, and it has been stolen."


There was a period of silence. I thought  the call  had been dropped, but
then I heard her voice.


"Idiot", she  barked, "I dropped you off!"
Now it was my time to be  silent.
Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."


She  retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this  policeman I have not
stolen  your car."


Yep, it's the golden  years.
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Offline MikeBCda

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #263 on: June 11, 2012, 07:39:57 PM »
 ;D ;D  Almost makes up for not being young any more -- almost.
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Offline SpeedyPC

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #264 on: June 12, 2012, 06:03:01 AM »
;D ;D  Almost makes up for not being young any more -- almost.

True ;D.............as you can see Bob doesn't have any patch of hair on top of his old head which he is class as the golden years, smile Bob you know the whole world is smiling we you through the golden years.
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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #265 on: June 16, 2012, 07:15:44 AM »
Haha! Sounds nothing like the zap I got from a fly zapper.

Offline bob3160

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #266 on: June 18, 2012, 01:12:14 PM »

BEWARE OF THAT UNDERWEAR  DUST!
One evening a husband,  thinking he was being funny, said to his wife,
'Perhaps we should start washing  your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would
take a few inches off of your  butt!'
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let  such a
comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of  underwear out of his drawer..
'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a  little 'dust' cloud
appeared when he shook them out.
'Donna', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did  you put talcum powder in
my underwear?'


She replied with a snicker. 'It's  not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'![size=78%] [/size]


Guys just never learn, do not tick off the woman.
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Offline bob3160

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #267 on: June 28, 2012, 11:49:31 AM »

There was a bit of confusion at the  store this morning.
 
When I was ready to pay for my  groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down,
facing me."
 
Making a mental note to complain to  my congressman about Homeland Security
running amok, I did just as she had  instructed.
 
When the hysterical shrieking  subsided, I found out that she was referring
to my credit  card.
 
I have been asked to shop elsewhere  in the future.
 
They need to make their instructions  to us seniors a little  clearer!
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Offline MikeBCda

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #268 on: June 28, 2012, 09:58:29 PM »
 ;D ;D  Been there, done that (without literally stripping, that is).  I can understand her instruction, though she definitely (as she found out the hard way) should have made the context clearer in her choice of wording ... it's not always obvious what the proper orientation is for swiping a credit or debit card, since apparently there's not any standard location/position for the sensor.

Up here, many banks are taking it one step further and added a chip at one end of the card which is much harder (likely impossible) to forge compared to the magnetic strip.  Vendors are only gradually acquiring the proper sensor units for these, and the card stays in its slot for the whole transaction since that's recorded, not just the PIN verified.
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Offline bob3160

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #269 on: June 29, 2012, 03:22:36 AM »

We're Rich!
WE FINALLY MADE IT
O.M.G., we're  rich!
Silver In The Hair
Gold In The Teeth
Crystals In The  Kidneys
Sugar In The Blood
Lead In The As*
Iron In The  Arteries
And
An Inexhaustible Supply Of Natural  Gas.


I Never Thought we would
accumulate  Such Wealth!
I've always said there are advantages to growing older.
Life is short.
Live it to the  fullest.
It has an expiration  date.

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