...is it sad that I never even thought of that? For now, that's what I'll do, I guess. Thank you. Hopefully someone will have an answer for why Windows .MET is being such a derp.
More info, Upon canceling, it reveals it is attempting updates that are completely different than what it actually tries to do. Info following.
Security Update for Microsoft .NET Framework 2.0 SP2 on Windows Server 2003 and Windows XP x86 (KB2633880)
Security Update for .NET Framework 2.0 SP2 and 3.5 SP1 on Windows Server 2003 and Windows XP x86 (KB2518864)
Neither of those updates match the 3 that it keeps on trying.