Author Topic: So funny I had to post  (Read 943643 times)

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Offline bob3160

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #225 on: April 01, 2012, 09:36:49 PM »
Hi bob3160!

I hope you are not angry about my copying your picture with the yellow boat, 3 girls and the cat (looks like mine 3 colored cat, which now has to ware a collar made of plastic).
Thanks.
HDW38

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #226 on: April 01, 2012, 09:54:37 PM »
Hi bob3160!

I hope you are not angry about my copying your picture with the yellow boat, 3 girls and the cat (looks like mine 3 colored cat, which now has to ware a collar made of plastic).
Thanks.
HDW38

Anything in here is available to use as any one sees fit. :)




It just happened! Somehow, sometime, somewhere.......


Offline CraigB

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #227 on: April 02, 2012, 11:08:30 PM »
HOW THE FIGHT STARTED . . . . .
 
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
 
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
 
When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
 
And that's how the fight started.....
 
________________________________
 
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
 
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
 
"No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
 
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
 
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
 
And that's how the fight started...
 
________________________________
 
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
 
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
 
"Yes", she sighed. "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
 
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
 
And that is how the fight started...
 
________________________________
 
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get i t fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer... Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
 
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again, handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
 
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
 
______________________________
 
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
 
She asked, "What's on TV?"
 
I said, "Dust."
 
And then the fight started...
 
________________________________
 
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
 boat to the truck and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
 
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
 
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
 
And that's how the fight started...
 
_______________________________
 
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
 
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
 
I bought her a bathroom scale.
 
And then the fight started......
 
______________________________
 
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver'slicense to verify my age.
 
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
 
The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt. " So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
 
She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed my Social Security application.
 
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too. "
 
And then the fight started...
 
________________________________
 
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
 "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.”
 
I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."
 
And then the fight started...
 
________________________________
 
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
 
He looked up at me and said "I am NOT Happy! "
 So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then? "
 That's how the fight started…

Offline !Donovan

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #228 on: April 02, 2012, 11:46:51 PM »
roflmao the whole time lol



some of the best fights i've ever heard of ;D
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iroc9555

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #229 on: April 03, 2012, 04:26:17 AM »
Good fights Craib. I am still laughing. I love the one with the bathroom scale  ;D

Well I am no good at telling jokes but this is a lesson in life for all of us. Hope you get it after translation and Avast! filter.

A little chicken was being chased down by a fox. The little chicken turned around the barn and into a pasture field full of cows. In its hasty fleet the little chicken did no see the big cow dung that fell on top of it and covering it completly. The fox arriving to the pasture field started looking for the chick until it heard the chick; sh..pio, sh..pio..sh..pio (obviouly I can't say the real word but you get the meaning ). The fox inmediately grabbed the chiken out of the dung, cleaned it and ate it.

So what is to be learnt of this story ?

Not all who dung ( you understand ) on you is your enemy because as you saw the cow saved the little chicken, at least momentarily.

Not all who get you out of the dung is your friend because as you saw the fox got the chick out of it, but  ate the chick anyways.

And most important when you feel that you are in a real big pile of dung and up to your head in it. keep quiet. Don't say sh..pio, sh..pio. It may save your life. 
« Last Edit: April 03, 2012, 04:34:00 AM by iroc9555 »

Dch48

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #230 on: April 03, 2012, 06:37:32 AM »
A bear was chasing a rabbit and was about to catch and devour him when there was a puff of smoke and a beautiful faerie of the forest appeared. Both of the animals were so surprised that they stopped in their tracks . The faerie spoke. " Come come, what is going on here?"

 The rabbit said, "He's always chasing me trying to kill and eat me and I'm sick of it". The bear said, "Hey, I'm a bear and that's what bears do". The faerie spoke again. "Boys, there is no need to fear. I am here to grant each of you 3 wishes and help to resolve this conflict." "Mister Bear, you will get the first wish".

The bear thought for a minute and then said, "Okay, I wish that every bear in these woods except for me was female." The faerie said, "Done, now it's your turn Mister Rabbit."

The rabbit quickly said, "I want a motorcycle helmet." The faerie said. "Okay, it's a strange request but done." and the rabbit was wearing his helmet. "Okay, now time for your second wish, Mister Bear" said the faerie.

The bear quickly replied, "Okay, I want every bear in the entire state except me to be female". "Done" the faerie responded. "Mister Rabbit, your next wish please".

The rabbit said, "Now I want the fastest motorcycle in the world sized so I can ride it". "Ah, okay, now the helmet makes more sense, done", said the faerie and the rabbit had his bike. "Now for your final wishes, think and make them good. You go first again Mister Bear".

The bear said, "I'm going for broke. I want every bear except me on the entire continent to be female." Once again the faerie said "Done" and then asked the rabbit for his third and final request.

 The rabbit climbed on the motorcycle, strapped on the helmet, fired up the motor and said, "I wish Mister Bear to be gay" and rapidly rode off into the sunset.

deyani

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #231 on: April 03, 2012, 07:21:13 AM »
hehe... nice story for good morning! :)

Offline CraigB

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #232 on: April 11, 2012, 04:03:29 PM »

Offline SpeedyPC

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #233 on: April 11, 2012, 04:28:46 PM »
Easter Funnys, The Chicken

http://www.terrisfp1.com/holidays/chick.html

Smart arse Easter Chicken (as craigb the Chicken) ;D ;)
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Offline Pondus

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #234 on: April 12, 2012, 01:18:35 PM »
Beer makes men smarter: study
Males solve brain teasers better after consuming alcohol, researchers say
http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/health/beer-men-smarter-study-article-1.1059752


haa.....so what is new about that !!!!

my experience is that you get even smarter if you add cognac     ;D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUVwR0rw5fk


LOL  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5c6bjVXLdBM



« Last Edit: April 12, 2012, 04:14:14 PM by Pondus »

Offline CraigB

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #235 on: April 20, 2012, 09:29:22 PM »
"The constuction site"
 
An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a Sydney
 construction site.
 
The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy,
 "You're in charge of sweeping."
 
To the Irishman he says "You're in charge of shoveling."
 
To the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
 

He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while to get my Vegemite sandwiches.
I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
 

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, but when he returns the pile of
 sand is untouched.
 

He says to the Italian: "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
 

The Italian replies in a heavy accent, "I no gotta broom, an' you tella me
 dat de Chinese'a guy supposa bringa da supplies, but he disappear and I no finda him."
 

Then the foreman turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.
 

The Irishman replies in his heavy brogue, "Aye, that ye did, but I couldn't
 get meself a shovel. Ye left the Chinese fella in charge of supplies, but I couldn't fin' him."
 

The foreman is really angry now, and storms off looking for the Chinese guy.
 





He can't find him anywhere and is getting angrier by the minute.
 






Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells...
 


"Supplies!!"

iroc9555

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #236 on: April 20, 2012, 10:06:19 PM »

Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells...
 


"Supplies!!"

 ;D ;D I liked it, but there is no way to translate. Have to be told in English.

Offline Asyn

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #237 on: April 20, 2012, 10:13:27 PM »

Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells...
 
"Supplies!!"

 ;D ;D I liked it, but there is no way to translate. Have to be told in English.

Yep, I thought the same, when I read it. ;)
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Offline CraigB

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #238 on: April 21, 2012, 08:45:48 AM »

Just then, the Chinese guy springs out from behind the pile of sand and yells...
 


"Supplies!!"

 ;D ;D I liked it, but there is no way to translate. Have to be told in English.
Easy when you add the chinese accent  ;D

Offline Pondus

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Re: Off topic but was so funny i had to post
« Reply #239 on: April 21, 2012, 12:44:21 PM »