So funny I had to post

[bob3160]

                        Has truTV Gone to the Dogs ?

[SpeedyPC]

Quotes To Live By..
http://www.laughitout.com/2007/09/quotes-to-live-by.html?m=1

[CraigB]

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)


 -You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
 -- Alan, age 10

 -No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
 -- Kristen, age 10


 2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

 Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
 -- Camille, age 10


 3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
 You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
 -- Derrick, age 8


4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
 Both don't want any more kids.
 -- Lori, age 8


 5. [/B]WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
 -Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
 -- Lynnette, age 8
 (isn't she a treasure)

 -On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
 -- Martin, age 10


 6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

 -When they're rich.
 -- Pam , age 7

 -The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
 - - Curt, age 7

 -The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
 - - Howard, age 8


 7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

 It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
 -- Anita, age 9


8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

 There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
 -- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favourite is.......

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
 -- Ricky, age 10


Number 9 is my favourite   

[Asyn]

ROFL Thanks Craig..!!

[Simion]

Those are hysterical! Thanks for posting, Craig.

[SpeedyPC]

ROFLMAO Thanks Craigb I needed that

[nanajana]

A little something for the ladies & guys with a sense of humour!
MEN!!!!
 
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
Sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room,
he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the
washing machine?' 

'It depends,' I replied.   'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, ' DALLAS COWBOYS'!

And they say blondes are dumb....
---------------------------------------------------------------- 
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world..' 
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you........
---------------------------- 
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out
of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if
I mowed the lawn like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied. 
------------------------------------- ------ 
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor 
------------------------------------------- 
Dear Lord, 
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; and
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat
him to death. 
AMEN 
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine? 
A: They are practicing to be men. 
-------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.. 
--------------------------------------------- 
Q:  What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath
and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. 
------------------------------------------ 
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? 
A: It helps them remember which end to wipe... 
------------------------------------------- 
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? 
A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals' 
------------------------------------------------- 

[bob3160]

Just received this from a friend and it deserved to be shared:


Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning

“Windows frozen, won’t open.”

Husband texts back: “Gently pour some lukewarm water over it.”

Wife texts back 5 minutes later: “Computer really screwed up now.”

[CraigB]

The husband & wives store



A store that sells new husbands has opened in Manchester , just off Deansgate where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!


So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:


Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs


She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:


Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'


So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.


'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.


She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework...


'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:


Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.


She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:


Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street with the same rules.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.





 

[DavidR]

I thought that the 6th floor would state - Sorry all of the merchandise is already married.

[CraigB]

I thought that the 6th floor would state - Sorry all of the merchandise is already married.

Or gay but that could also be floor 4 and 5

[polonus]

A very good trailer persiflage: http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6789072/dora-the-explorer-movie-trailer-with-ariel-winter

polonus

[SpeedyPC]

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square .

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope . When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, I have a daughter,

SLIM & TALL

40" Breasts
24" WAIST and
34" HIPS


When she walks into a room, people say,

Oh MY God!!!

[SpeedyPC]

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Australia," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Australia too! Let's have another round to Australia."

"Of course," replies the second man.

I'm curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Australia are you from?"

"Rainbow Beach," comes the reply.

"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Rainbow too! Let's have another drink to Rainbow."

"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '82."

"This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '82, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.

"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The Nackers twins are drunk again."

[SpeedyPC]

A young guy from West Virginia moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
>
> The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in West Virginia ."
>
> Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.
>
> "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
>
> His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
>
> "How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.
>
> That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida . One sale a day might have been acceptable in West Virginia , but you're not in the mines anymore, son."
>
> The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
>
> The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".
>
> The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"
>
> The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
>
> The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?" The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing..................."